


dreams (are made of being gay)

by GenderqueerSpaceWives



Series: All of Time and Space, and I Run Into My Wife [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, River has a new face but not really because I didn't want her to, angst or light angst, hurt/comfort? i think so, inspired by a dream, spoilers for s12 but really it's only spyfall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22917529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenderqueerSpaceWives/pseuds/GenderqueerSpaceWives
Summary: After having met under tumultuous circumstances, and after everyone else has left, Doctor and River still haven't said a word to one another. Alone in the Tardis, they get their chance to catch up (and be gay).
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Series: All of Time and Space, and I Run Into My Wife [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1267433
Comments: 3
Kudos: 109





	dreams (are made of being gay)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, so this was very much not something I planned on writing only yesterday, and the whole day today I've been going back and forth on whether I wanted to write it or not. Luckily for you, I decided I wanted to! (Or not luckily for you. It's nearly 4 am and I have not edited this, so read at your own risk.)
> 
> Basically, I had this dream last night, and it was basically this fic, only with a little more plot (that didn't make any sense, to be honest with you). That's the reason I mention some past events, because it felt weird not including them, but also I didn't want to write them. That's also the reason there were anonymous people from other Sci-Fi series there, because I very clearly remember Leia being in my dream (and being electrocuted, but it's fine. she was fine).
> 
> Also, has anyone else noticed that dialogue that sounds powerful af in your dreams sounds... not that good when you write it down? Anyhow, this wasn't really meant to be serious, and I wanted to catch the feeling of my dream rather than necessarily making them completely in character, but ye.

They were back in the Tardis. Alone. All the others had left. The fam were back in Sheffield, Clara had disappeared along with one of her previous regenerations, and the other one had gone even earlier. As for all the people out of various science fiction series, they were back where they belonged as well.

The Doctor had just entered the Tardis, and gazed at River, who stood slightly hidden behind the huge crystal in the middle of the console. She hadn’t recognised her, back when she appeared on that cliff’s edge. At the same time as the other people, the ones that were from Sci-Fi series, but a bit to the side. Gun in her hand and eyes surveying the landscape. The Doctor’s heart had stopped, for at first sight the curls reminded her of River. But they had been less of a mane, more ordinary than River’s. And while her face was similar at first glance, after a moment had passed you noticed that this wasn’t River’s face. Her facial features were a washed out version of River’s, her face longer and whole body thinner. The Doctor had been so disappointed she didn’t notice the look of relief that briefly crossed upon River’s face when her eyes found the Doctor's other regenerations.

She’d kept her eyes on her though, and when River finally revealed who she was, the Doctor was sitting right next to her by a crowded table. The lights dimmed, warm and cosy, and everyone being giddy and glad over having survived another ten minutes. She’d glanced up on her, through her eyelashes, and she hadn’t said a word. River hadn’t said a word to her either. They still hadn’t. The silence between them continued all while they returned to the Tardis, and all while they returned everyone to their rightful time, place, and universe.

It had been easier to bear while there were still other people with them. Now, it spread out all around them and made the world a blurry mess that had no real importance. The Doctor took a few trying steps towards River. Her head tilted as she stared at her, still not quite believing this was _her_. River moved the other way. Seemingly to flip a few switches on the console. But as the Doctor took even more steps, she kept going the other way, always keeping herself not quite hidden on the other side of the crystal. Always visible but never close. The yellow light reflecting in her face made the Doctor painfully aware that her face was like her old one, but not quite. It wasn’t the face the Doctor had fallen in love with, but at the same time she could see the remains of that very face.

“I’m not who I was.” River didn’t look at her as she spoke. Her eyes were fixed on her hands, which grabbed the console so hard they paled. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be again.” _It doesn’t matter_ , the Doctor wanted to say. She didn’t. _It doesn’t matter, because you’ll still be River and I’ll still love you_. She didn’t say that either. Instead, she edged herself towards her. Eyes glued on Rivers face. Silence, again.

Until River let out a quiet gasp and her hands flew to her stomach. They gripped the fabric of her shirt, her eyes screwed shut, and her mouth became a thin line. The Doctor leapt forwards, just in time to steady River as her legs gave way. She guided one of her arms so it was slung over the Doctor’s shoulder, and she let her own hold River’s waist. The other she brought up so her hand could cup River’s cheek. Could but didn’t, because she left it hanging in the air mere centimeters from the soft skin of River’s face.

“Are you alright?” Her voice was low and she couldn’t make it say anything more. But River didn’t answer, eyes still shut in pain and legs still wobbly, so she forced herself. “What’s happened to you?” River didn’t answer this either, she only exhaled, lips still pursed. River’s breath had reminded the Doctor that she too, needed oxygen to survive, and she took a breath. The familiar smell of artron energy and River’s conditioner filled her lungs. “Let’s get you to med bay,” she whispered.

They made their way up the stairs, and staggered and stumbled through the Tardis. River’s arm never leaving the Doctor’s shoulder, and the Doctor’s hand never leaving her waist. Helpful as ever, the Tardis made the walk a short one by placing the room they were looking for as close as she possibly could. Well inside, the Doctor helped River onto a medical bed. Sitting on it, she was taller than the Doctor, but only by a few centimeters.

Her hand rested on River’s thigh, but she wanted to use it to grab River’s and hold it in her own and kiss it and never let go. But she took it away and retrieved her sonic from her coat pocket, taking of her coat while she was at it. She placed it next to River on the bed, and she once again raised her hand to cup River’s face. But she let it fall, and quietly scanned River.

“What’s the verdict?” River said as she opened her eyes. The Doctor didn’t meet them.

“You’re poisoned.” She turned her back to River.

“Sounds nasty,” said River as the Doctor rummaged through a drawer. “But not surprising.”

“What happened?” The Doctor found the item she was looking for, but she didn’t turn around.

“Oh you know. The usual.” She didn’t elaborate, and the Doctor didn’t push her.

“Here,” she said as she pressed a plaster in River’s hand. The quick touch made her throw a glance up into River’s face. She found her biting her lip. Not seductively, as one may suspect, but in a show of concern. The Doctor pretended not to have seen it. “Put it on your wrist, and you’ll be good as new sooner than you know it.”

River peeled of the plastic on the back of the plaster, and placed it on her wrist.

“Alright then,” she said, and stood up (only wobbling the tiniest bit). “I’ll be off. Don’t worry about me, just drop me off at the nearest planet and I’ll be fine.”

“You’re hurt.”

“Really, it isn’t a big deal.” Her words very nearly hid her quiet groan.

“ _You’re hurt_ ,” the Doctor repeated, and River swayed on her feet. “You can barely stand for yourself.” 

“Don’t be silly, I’m quite alright.” She looked in the opposite direction from the Doctor, but she leaned back and sat down on the edge of the bed. The Doctor raised her hand, and in a well practiced motion that ended with her hand cupping River’s cheek, she pushed a curl behind her ear. Her eyes followed, and continued to River’s eyes. They were closed.

“River,” she said with a soft voice. “Look at me.” Slowly, River opened her eyes. They met the Doctor’s, and for the first time she could see her wife staring back at her. She smiled gently. A small step forward placed them even closer. River’s breath landed on her neck and it sent shivers down her whole body.

“You know that-” River started, voice serious and eyes not leaving the Doctor’s, but the Doctor cut her off.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t even know what I was going to say,” she scoffed.

“Well, were you going to ask me if I know that you might never go back to the old you?” the Doctor said.

“Maybe, said River.

“Because if that’s the only thing that’s changed I don’t understand why it would make any difference. You’ve been with me through more drastic changes, and as far as I know it never made you change your mind about me.”

“No, but-” River didn’t get further.

“Besides, what kind of person would I be to discard you just because of something so irrelevant for who you are?” The Doctor grabbed River’s hands in hers and pressed them against her chest. “I love you, and I don’t care. It doesn’t make a difference.” The Doctor leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together.

“Well then,” said River, and gazed into the Doctor’s eyes, “Hello Sweetie.”

Those two words were enough for the Doctor to tilt her head downwards and press a tender kiss on River’s knuckles. She closed her eyes and exhaled. Any doubt of this not being real disappeared, for nothing had ever felt more real than River’s hands in hers, and her lips pressed against them.

“How are you feeling?” asked the Doctor, looking up to meet River’s concerned face.

“How are _you_ feeling?”

“I asked first.”

“Fine,” sighed River, rolling her eyes, “I’ve been better, but it’s nothing a good meal and a couple of hours of sleep won't cure. You, on the other hand...” Her voice died out.

“What about me?” The Doctor avoided meeting her stare.

“I‘ve never seen you like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re about to break down the second you’re alone. It’s a wonder you haven’t exploded.”

“Who says I haven’t.”

“Oh Sweetie,” said River, pulling the Doctor in for a hug. She rested her head on her shoulder, River’s hair tickling her neck. Her breaths slowed down and grew deeper. For the first time in a long while, she actually felt safe. Sure, there may be things going on that were out of her control, and sure, her planet may have been burned down again. But here, in River’s arms, that was no longer the only thing on her mind.

“Look at me,” said the Doctor as she withdrew from the embrace, “You’re the one who’s poisoned, and here I am being all-”

“Doctor,” said River, but she didn’t continue with a sentence. Instead, she took the Doctor’s face in her hands and pulled her in for a kiss.

The kiss definitely lasted for more than a minute, but the Doctor had a hard time saying for how much more. It was wonderful, but when they separated from each other, the Doctor gasped. There, in front of her, wasn’t the face that had initiated the kiss, but the face she had gotten married to. The face she had fallen in love with, and the face she had missed for so many years.

“What is it?” River frowned, “I’m not wearing poisonous lipstick again, am I?”

“No,” the Doctor laughed, “Nothing like that. It’s just… Your face.”

“What about it?”

“It’s all back to normal.” She let her fingers dance over River’s features. Her mouth, her chin, her eyebrows. She couldn’t resist bopping her nose, and River smiled.

“I’m glad to hear it. Couldn’t stand not feeling like myself.” The Doctor observed River’s smile.

“You’re incredibly beautiful” she said. “Not that you weren’t before, but this looks more like you and I know you probably already know it, but you are.”

“That is, and I can’t believe I finally get to say this,” River smirked, “Very gay of you.” The Doctor grinned.

“I am very gay,” she said. 

“Well, lucky for you, so am I.”

River pulled her in for a kiss, and the couple kissed for another undefinable amount of time. The Doctor’s hands ended up going through River’s hair. River’s hands gripped the Doctor’s braces before they travelled up and pushed her hair back, and River broke the kiss to lean close to the Doctor’s ear.

“I know something else that’s very gay that we could do,” she said in a low sultry voice. The Doctor bit her lip, but couldn’t keep a grin off her face.

“Do you now?” she said.

“I do, and I heard it’s very effective for taking your mind off what’s bothering you.”

“I’m sure it is,” mumbled the Doctor, distracted by the way River was letting her hand travel up her arm. “Sounds brilliant.”


End file.
